Thursday, December 14, 2006

The Family Jewels

A while ago someone brought up the Lifegem process, by which the carbon from the remains of one's loved ones could be converted into diamonds. At the time I laughingly suggested that perhaps the whole clan could be gathered into one setting to form the 'family jewels'. It seems that no idea is too absurd to market:

Judging by the photo, something tells me that their net worth would increase if they all died and became diamonds.

In examining that guy's cheesy moustache I found this site:

This is funny right? It's not just my latent feelings of inadequacy at not being able to participate, right?

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

In Case You Missed It

I'm glad that someone is finally standing up for the blinds' right to hunt.

Maybe they can grandfather it for Cheney.

Monday, December 11, 2006


Monday, December 11th, 2006

So, Benjamin Cedric Brykczynski turns 1 tomorrow officially, but celebrated his birthday early on Saturday. For those of you were not there, I've posted a few pictures.

Actually, by the end of the party we all looked like this. We were all drunk. The surprising thing was that there was enough cake to go around for the adults to make a colossal mess. I'd post pictures, but some people are so touchy about their purported dignity; not like little BCB here.

Friday, December 8, 2006

Powered By Microsoft

Saw this this morning over Dundas Square. Maybe it's running Vista...?

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

The Best Book Ever

I don't want to read it. I'd never display it on my shelf. But I'm rather glad that it exists. It teaches me why I should be ashamed of my culture.

Sunday, December 3, 2006

Being a Good Sport

Sunday, December 3, 2006

One thing I can say with absolute confidence: Rich is a good sport.

On another note, what the fuck is this!?!? Didn't we get enough of this bullshit in the 1980s. Excepting the Brykczynskis, we have all suffered greatly (Swigot's the only freak I know that enjoyed this crap). Twisted Sister by itself is horrific, but a Christmas album? I hope that somebody kicks them all in the balls. Scratch that, I hope that Jesus smites them, old skool.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Petty but Funny

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

It’s funny, Bush always did strike me as the sort of guy to pee in your coffee, and talk about you behind your back. What a bitch.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Not Sleeping

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

It's late, or is it early?

Anyway, here's something appropriately surreal...

It's a knitted life-sized replica of a Ferrari (Testarossa by the looks of it) on display at a gallery in London, UK.

I wonder which would be worth more, the real or the simulacrum?

Sunday, November 26, 2006

One of a Kind

Sunday, November 26, 2006

I can only say one thing - Rich is entirely too comfortable with his hand up a snake's ass. As you can see, he hides his secret joy well.

As you can clearly tell, Dan knows what I'm talking about.

As for me, I'm only an impartial observer. I try not to think too much about everyone else's perversions.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Gnothi Seauton

Saturday, November 25, 2006

I’ve just finished by third novel this month. Not bad for someone who spends every other night out, and hours everyday ‘working’. But the problem is the novel I just finished was selected and read in hopes of finding something pure and less than cynical. It didn’t entirely work out as I had hoped. But perhaps the plan of reading an abridged satire in the guise of a story of high adventure and romance was inherently flawed. My desire for a purely Hollywood ending was blunted by the blade of sarcasm. Maybe I should simply turn to Hollywood for that.

I had a little moment of crisis today. I realized that another of my friends seems to be on the way to parenthood. It’s not that the notion of personally having children terrifies me (well it sort of does, it’s just another thing to fail at, but what a potentially massive and horrific failure!), it’s just that it’s another step in the inevitable march towards ‘adulthood’, that strange and indefinable country whose borders are externally declared, and internally denied. Time marches on without pause or consideration for preparation. And of course there’s no reason why I shouldn’t be prepared, after all it’s not like I’m not at all familiar with the process. And yet…

I think that’s one definition of insanity – performing the same action and expecting a different result each time. So the thing is, why can’t I set a course, a series of small increments that lead towards a pre-established goal? Why can’t I, in the absence of something great and sweeping, something to which I can devote body and soul to, find satisfaction in procedural rationality? It is the great void, the sea of darkness across which questions, accusations and epithets are hurled, never to return, never is the softest scrap of echo heard, that confronts me, silent as the grave. The ridiculous thing is that all of these things happen entirely in one’s own private little universe. But I suppose it’s what most of us wrestle with.

Really, I suppose that all of the sniveling is sort of pathetic.

Is it crunch time? Have I “seen my moment of greatness flicker… Seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker”? Is it time to “get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’”? Livin’ is better. Just gotta figure out the next carrot.

Maybe that is enough. Happiness is not a goal, it is a journey. Does anyone know where I can get a job writing fortune cookie fortunes? If Homer (Simpson) can do it, why can’t I?

The Ties that Bind

Saturday, November 25, 2006

… though hopefully they don’t chafe.

Had a great time talking with Paul and Dan at Insomnia. As time goes on we grow more into ourselves, for better or for worse. We grow more secure, even if only about our insecurities. We are better able to discuss things with candor, and reveal ourselves with less fear, or possibly none at all. Maybe that’s not entirely accurate; maybe it’s two-fold: maybe it’s part maturity, but maybe it’s also the reward of enduring friendships.

Anyway, I’m glad I have the friends that I do.

Oh, and Paul, you are an "Easy Squeeze! Facile a Presser!"

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Puerile Inside Joke

Thursday, November 23, 2006

I read this in today’s Globe. The article in itself isn’t particularly remarkable. Please just note the highlighted portion.

YouTubers take a shine to 'Canadian Idiot'
Canadian Press

TORONTO — The stereotype of the Canadian as a beer swillin' hockey nut is alive and well on the Internet, thanks to the computer prowess of a bunch of teenage Americans.

Young fans of the parody song Canadian Idiot by Weird Al Yankovic have supplied the Net with cheeky homemade music videos about the Great White North's “Monopoly money” and “silly accent.”

The offerings, on, range from a simple animated video by 16-year-old Danielle Burke of Burlington, Vt., to the more elaborate lip-synching performance of 17-year-old Stephen Georg, of Myrtle Beach, S.C.

All, however, revel in the ludicrous Canuck images featured in Weird Al's song — a spoof of the Green Day hit American Idiot.

Several of the video creators admit that many Americans know little about their northern neighbours.

“Canada isn't really a place I often think about — but when I do think about it, I often think of maple syrup, Mounties, Celine Dion and Jim Carrey,” says Georg, a high school senior who dons makeup and black clothing for his video.

“I imagine Canadians wear a lot of red flannel shirts for some reason,” says Burke, a novice filmmaker who says she spent several hours on the computer project.

Weird Al has described “Canadian Idiot” as written from the perspective of an ignorant American and calls his song “a love letter to Canada.”

The ditty makes light of all things typically associated with Canada, for better or worse: “They all live on doughnuts and moose meat,” Weird Al croons.

“And they leave the house without packing heat, “Never even bring their guns to the ma-a-alllll.”

But it's clear that some Canadians just don't get the joke. Dozens of angry comments have been posted on websites featuring the homemade videos, with viewers admonishing the young filmmakers for encouraging the stereotypes.

“I am a Canadian,” lostxfreakx42 says in the comments section for a video tribute made by a 17-year-old named Anthony who goes by the moniker Apollo22237.

“I can laugh at this because pretty much all of it is untrue. But you sir, are an asshole.”

Canadians shouldn't be offended by Weird Al's lyrics, says Phil McCracken, a 13-year-old fan from Columbus, Ohio.

“It's really making fun of the Americans and their views on the Canadians,” says McCracken, who acts out each verse of the song in his simple video.

“Al is trying to show the quick judgment of those different to us.”

Brit filmmaker Dominick Allen says he went out of his way to state in his YouTube bio that he's from the United Kingdom, not the United States, to head off the flood of anti-American sentiment that initially flowed his way.

“The video is not meant to be racist in any way,” says Allen, a 15-year-old who lives east of London.

“It is more insulting to Americans than Canadians. It is saying, like: ‘Look you stupid Americans, this is what you think of Canada all summed up in 2:23 minutes, see how stupid you really are now?' “ Burke, whose video features stick-figure animation and pictures mined from the Net, says she's never heard of some of the stereotypes mentioned before, such as the claim that Canadians only eat “doughnuts and moose meat” or “Kraft macaroni.”

“When I hear kids talking about Canada where I live, it's usually about how they wish they lived there because the drinking age is 18, instead of 21,” says Burke.

“I know that you have a bit of an accent. I've heard that Montreal is very high-class, but it's different for the rest of Canada.”

Phil McKracken... Priceless.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Random Thoughts on Family

Thursday, November 16, 2006

I have of late developed this horrible habit of falling asleep mid-evening, and then waking up around midnight or later and staying awake for a couple of hours, then heading back to bed. I suppose that I am getting my requisite 5-6 hours of sleep, but I can’t help but think that it might be better if I got it all in a bunch. C’est la vie…

I had an odd thought whilst brushing my teeth this evening. I was thinking about family, and I was thinking about television and the sitcoms I watched while I had cable. Since about the mid 90s, maybe before, I noticed the rise of non-nuclear families. Sitcoms like Friends, Will and Grace, most of what I can recall since the fall of the 80s Cosby boom (and its bastard child Rosanne) seems to try to relate to and validate the idea that non-nuclear families can constitute a structure that is okay, acceptable, and all too frequently wacky and fun. But of course that’s not real life. However, when a series comes to a graceful conclusion, when its plot arc is allowed to conclude to the players of production being sick of the animal (as opposed to cancellation due to sucking), people inevitably tie up the loose ends of the show by pairing off the characters into little nuclear units.

Is this a reification of mores? Is this the ‘way its meant to be’? Is that why the Brykczynski bros are now thoroughly on the way to suburbia? Some of us are restless, some of us are fucked up, but some of us seem to have a relatively good handle on what it takes to build and be in a family. According to my Dad that sort of knowledge comes from an upbringing in a comparatively solid family to begin with, having a template ingrained. Any success is a consequence of that.

I actually had a conversation with him a couple of weeks ago, in which he told me that after his divorce, and the sorting out of his own shit, he was determined to instill in me the structure, attitudes and aptitudes necessary to be a successful family man. So far these skills have not come to light. I’m still lost, irresponsible and self-indulgent, as well as hideously bad at finding companionship. But at the very least I have a desire to understand. I think it’s more likely that I always have, as opposed to some post 30-something panic of dying alone.

Of course, bear in mind that I know lots of people that have parents that have stayed together (mostly Catholics), and are still single, or at the very least have difficulty being assured that they have found the ‘one’. But asking "do your parents really love each other?" is not the sort of question that has many opportunities to be asked; so I guess I really don’t have that much perspective on their situations.

In general I search myself and I realize that I have no fucking clue about most things. I just know that I feel tired and insecure most of the time. I guess what I really want is to feel inspired again.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Hello To You... You Know Who You Are!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

“Okay, so I guess my feeling is that we don’t talk anymore… What happened to you, man? You used to be cool. But now… It’s like I don’t even know you any more.”

So to that end, I’ll do what I do well (though perhaps not best though I really don’t know what I do best), and that is carry on a one sided conversation. Please feel free to start your own blog in response to all the irresponsible, inflammatory and incendiary things that I will say about you, your questionable lineage, your pets and your unsavoury personal habits.


I stumbled across this

this morning.

I think it’s funny.

Not laughing?

What, is it too soon?